


Shirking Responsibilities

by Aeternum



Series: Leo Inter Serpentes Additional Scenes [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 01:38:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10911684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeternum/pseuds/Aeternum
Summary: After Draco and Harry are caught naked in bed together, Narcissa realises that it's time to give her son The Talk. Too bad she doesn't want to.





	Shirking Responsibilities

The sound of Sirius' laughter downed out Narcissa's groan. 

“I suppose I should have known this day would come,” she said.

“It won't be that bad,” Kingsley said, squeezing her hand.

Narcissa smiled hopefully. “Does that mean you're volunteering?”

“Not on your life,” Kingsley said.

“But he's your step-son!” Narcissa said.

“He's your son!” Kingsley shot back.

Remus snickered. “You didn't really plan that argument through, Narcissa.”

“No, I didn't,” she sighed. “But – but I don't have a penis! What if he asks me questions? He's bound to have questions!”

Her voice had risen, and the three of them automatically glanced down the table. Thankfully, Sirius' teasing of Draco – and Theo's ensuing laughter – seemed to be occupying the other group enough that they didn't notice the argument taking place at the other end of the table.

“Cissy, he's sixteen. I think he's figured out what to do with his penis by now,” Kingsley whispered.

“That's how this whole thing started, really,” said Remus.

“No, I really think it should be you, Kingsley,” said Narcissa.

Kingsley shook his head. “But I've never had sex with another man. What if he has questions about _that_ , huh? I'd be more useful to Theo, not Draco.”

A smile slowly spread over Narcissa's face. “You're absolutely right, Kingsley. We shouldn't leave Theo out – I did promise to be his guardian, after all. No, what we need is someone who has sexual experience with people of multiple genders. Someone with a penis. Someone who both Draco and Theo trust.”

Kingsley smiled back at her. “Wherever would we find such a person?”

Together, they looked across the table at Remus, who immediately held his hands up. “No. No way. Not happening.”

“But Remus, you enjoyed teaching,” Narcissa wheedled.

“Yes, Defence!” Remus hissed.

“Think of this as Defence Against Venereal Diseases,” Kingsley suggested, making Narcissa laugh.

“You know, I don't have children for a reason,” said Remus.

Narcissa raised an eyebrow. “Are you honestly trying to say that you don't have children so that you don't have to give them the sex talk?”

“Yes,” said Remus.

“Really?” asked Kingsley. “Say that again, but try to convince us, this time.”

Narcissa leaned forward. “Remus, if you do this, I will make sure that you never run out of chocolate again.”

“You're resorting to bribery?” Remus asked, amused.

“Are you surprised?” asked Kingsley.

“No, actually, now that I think of it. Of course Narcissa would try to bribe her way out of giving the talk,” said Remus.

Narcissa wasn't the least bit repentant. “Can't blame me for trying.”

“Shh! I think this argument just became moot,” Kingsley whispered, pointing down the table.

Draco had been bright pink for a while, but now Theo was blushing as well. Both boys were staring wide-eyed at the figurines Sirius had conjured and was currently levitating over the kitchen table: the very naked, very anatomically correct figurines that were fornicating in mid-air.

“Oh thank Merlin,” Narcissa breathed.

“We should get out of here, before we get roped in,” said Kingsley.

“Agreed,” said Remus. 

They headed for the door as quietly as they could. Narcissa paused in the doorway and looked back. Sirius was gesturing at the still-moving figurines, pointing something out to the two mortified teenagers.

“I don't believe I've ever tried that position before,” she murmured.

Kingsley chuckled as he ushered her out of the kitchen. “We can try it tonight.”


End file.
